You don't actually want a tattoo

x

I have tattoos. If you know me, that's no secret. Some of them are visible even with long sleeves on, and that's by design; I'm not ashamed of them and I'm so glad that I live in an era where they haven't prevented me from being employed.

• How many do you have? (9)

• What does it feel like? (like needles dragging through your skin, which is what it is)

• How long do they take to heal? (fucking google it)

• Which one hurt the most? (My leg: 7 hours straight)

Some of my tattoos are... odd (see: Slurpee), but they all have a significant meaning. Being the tattooed guy in a friend group means that you have been saddled with the role of tattoo consultant to about 75% of your friends, family, coworkers, etc. I can't tell you how many times I've answered the following questions:

I don't mind answering these, because I know that it's genuine curiosity. But it's what inevitably comes after those questions that I cannot stand:

"I've been thinking about getting one too, just haven't settled on anything."

You don't actually want a tattoo.

When I knew I wanted a tattoo, I was 16. One of the 18 year old seniors on the football team got a big cross on his back, and I was so interested in it, that I wanted to get one the day I turned 18. I didn't get it on my birthday exactly, but two months later, I got my tattoo on my wrist. I had two years to plan out the placement, exactly what it was going to be. Since I can get one whenever now, the methodology has slowly changed. I used to give myself a rule: pick a design, wait a year, go get it. My most recent tattoo I found an artist on Instagram that happened to be near me, I DM'd him and was in his shop the next week. The point I'm trying to make is these are two ways to prove that you LOVE a tattoo. Either stew on it for a year and still want it, or get it immediately because you feel so strongly about it. The people I'm referring to just aren't trigger-pullers; they're over-thinkers.

The conversations I usually have with people are them wanting me to convince them, or for them to convince themselves, that they want a tattoo. If you're wavering back and forth that much, or changing the design all the time, then you don't actually want one. You just saw a guy that looks badass on TV with something cool and are trying to shoehorn your experiences into something meaningful so you can get one (1) tattoo and call it good.

To top it off, first tattoos suck for everyone involved. Tattoo artists love seeing people that have some already because they know they can take it. Tattoo virgins are a mystery, and scary. This shit hurts and requires you to stay still for a while. Typically, the people I'm talking about have very elaborate designs that would probably be 3+ hour sessions. If you don't know what a tattoo feels like, you can't commit to more than an hour on your first go-around.

So people, leave me alone. If you genuinely want one, that's great! Go get one, for you. Keep it simple the first time around, drink lots of water, and ask the tattoo artist all the questions you want to ask me.