Stop feeling guilty about using social media

How many of you have ever felt personally victimized by your iPhone weekly screen time report? I am on my phone constantly. There's a certain shame that I'm supposed to feel in that, but I don’t. My report says I use my phone on average 4.3 hours a day. Saying that out loud sounds crazy, but is it, really?

I have a couple friends that are on a "social media detox" right now. It's annoying, to me, because they should be on Twitter retweeting links to this blog. What are they really accomplishing with these grand gestures? When someone gets done with a detox (either for making it to their goal or cracking because they just couldn't wait), one of two things is going to happen.

1) They announce that they're back! And with that announcement, admit what we all knew the whole time: this was a cry for even more attention. As if to say, "Did you miss me?" No. Your IG posts get 60-80 likes and your tweets get 2 favs, if you're lucky.

2) They frantically scroll through everything hoping that there is some way to get back the past weeks of their internet currency: memes.

How great are memes, guys? There has never been a more efficient way to distribute humor. Like New York Times comics, but eco-friendly, they are short and sweet. They build off of each other and can separate the initiated from the novice. For those of us that are on our phones "too much" we have the power. Do you know how many times a day I say, "seen it" to a meme someone shows/sends me? Dozens! Sometimes, I haven't even seen it. I'm drunk with power. Someone stop me.

This is how things work now. We communicate through these media, and it's all going to happen without you. When is the last time you went to a birthday party that wasn't announced and organized on Facebook? And every time, you groan and complain that this is the only thing Facebook is good for anymore. Sure, we stay away from misinformed political rants, but at least you can get a notification that someone you haven't talked to since freshman year of college is having their birthday today and then choose to not wish them a happy birthday on their wall.

My favorite place on the internet hands down is Twitter. It's my most used app on my phone, and I'm even a laptop/desktop guy. I love Twitter because it's part sportscenter, part comedy, and part news feed. I've got this world curated specifically to me, and I stay up to date. And sure, there’s the risk I run that I am living in a bubble and won’t get major news updates. But I follow Kanye, and if it’s a big enough deal Twitter Moments will take care of it for me.  

Then there's Instagram. I could write "Instagram caption consultant" on my resume at this point. I have a group of friends that will all reach out to me with options of what pic to post and then ask for help on a caption. I won't reveal their identities, but you know who you are. The other day I had a friend get mad while trying to take a picture because I was laughing. "Not all of us can be as good at portrait mode as you" she said to me. When you've got it, you've got it. I can portrait mode with the best of them. A common trope you’ll see on my IG story is a portrait mode’d beer, cocktail, or other miscellaneous alcoholic beverage. I feel no remorse leaning back 7 feet from my beer at a bar to have the background blur just the right way. A common complaint is that Instagram isn’t real, that it’s the place where your life gets manicured to show only the highlights of your life. That’s completely the truth. I want people to think that I’m always drinking cool beers at cool places. Yes, it’s pointless and vain, but check out this picture I took of a martini I made the other night.

People used to say music was the devil. That photography steals your soul. Why are we turning social media into this boogeyman? Sure, there are studies that say these things will ruin your life, but years of bullying in school made it so my skin is thick enough that it won't get to me, and you shouldn’t let it get to you either. Why let faceless strangers keep you from the glory that is the internet. So don’t be ashamed. Take advantage of the great inventions of the people that came before us. Except for the telephone. Don't call anyone unless it's an emergency.