Why do I know so many SpongeBob songs on guitar?

Guitar. Acoustic or electric, there’s something so attractive about the concept of playing. But the trick is, you have to play well. When you think about someone playing guitar, you’re either Jimi Hendrix or some douche finding the lull in a Saturday night “kickback” to break out his acoustic. Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.

I play guitar. I’m mediocre at best, I’ve been playing for about 10 years but I don’t want to play in front of people. Part of the reason might be to do with the fact that I know maybe 30 songs and 1/5 of them are from the beloved cartoon SpongeBob SquarePants. I’m not going to get off track here on why SpongeBob is the perfect show and how I watch it constantly to this day. I won’t. I won’t. But what I will say in this glimpse into my mind is that the music is absolutely phenomenal.

NOTE: I'm posting this today because Stephen Hillenburg, the creator of SpongeBob, passed away this week. This is my way of saying thank you for all of the space this silly sponge takes up in my head to this day. My after-school hours would have been pretty empty if it wasn't for this show. 

We’re going to dive into the songs I know, and why I’ve learned them:

The Campfire Song Song

I learned this one because I thought it was a challenge. The lyrics even bait you into it: “If you think you can sing it faster than you’re wrong”. I thought it was going to be hard. It is not. Easy chord progression. Strum your heart out. Catchy lyrics. It’s a good little jam.

FUN

Three chords, my favorite part is Plankton’s verse. U is for Uranium…. BOMBS.

Loop dee Loop (the shoe tying song)

Ah, learning through song. I want to be clear that I already knew how to tie my shoes when this episode aired. I mean I had velcros, but it was by choice. I swear.

Ripped Pants

I thought that I had everybody by my side, until I went and blew it all sky high. This one is coupled with a great episode, as most of them are. But this one is such a sign of growth in Bob; he really lays it all out there for this one. Plus the rest of the losers on the beach get to join in on the fun here.

Without You (Greasy Spoon)

This one is a ballad. It’s tricky, because the premise is that I’m playing these for myself and this is a duet. But you know what, I’ve got enough gumption to make it work. This one might be my favorite, because of the emotional weight that the episode carries. If you don’t remember, this is the one where Mr. Krabs loses SpongeBob in a game of poker to Plankton. Sponge then has to work at the Chum Bucket. You can feel the heartache in this one.

Goofy Goober Rock

How am I going to NOT learn the climactic finish of the SpongeBob SquarePants Movie? Wizard outfit, Patrick in fishnets, triumphant victory, it checks all the boxes. Again, it’s a very fun song to play. This one is better on my sea-foam green telecaster. Oh yeah, I’m a bad boy. This one would be better with some crowd work though, to help with the “ROCK”.

So there you have it, these are a bunch of songs that I know on guitar form a children’s show that I maybe still watch. This is my proposition for how to learn songs on guitar: learn the dumbest songs that have no chance of getting you laid, and you won’t have to worry about people thinking that’s why you learned guitar. Also leaves you available for a side hustle playing kids’ parties.